Archive for the ‘Love & Relationships’ Category

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Missing!!! What people, things, life, yourself? What next? Give them a call, cyber stock them, try to buy yourself some peace; shopping does any help? Temporary yes it does then what next do step 2 again….and it continues. What is that you wanted to be? Was it this exactly what you are into? Is this the best you know? Or still those lonely pair of eyes who are only accompanied by themselves are still searching for more? A high rise building under construction, look at it!!! What’s great? Thought about how cool it would be standing up there? Feeling the breeze and fresh air away from the noises, seems a good idea. Go ahead and do it, standing on the edge, try to feel any of the above mentioned, can you? You would be worried about if you fall? How deep is it? I shouldn’t have tried it. Moral a few things are good and at its best when at a distance.

Irresistible caprice to get things done the other way, to change the view of the world, get somebody back. Could be something like standing on edge of the high rise construction building’s edge; couldn’t be? Lets try the other way, I miss your smile but more than that I miss my own more. Life is not fair, it never said it would be, but few things are always better unknown or be gracious if you have the power to face the truth. What is this all leading to? Lets try another way, whatever you did was not wrong, but it is not what I wanted!!!! So confused how do I get about this? The deal is; did you ever get any of these question? Still makes you uneasy? Now we talking on the same lines.

What do I do? It is irresistible to let go. Its good to be a kid at heart but think about it; always? It is irresistible cause you don’t have anything else. Tomorrow you get yourself a new fad, new toy, just bloody something new. You have forgotten about it until reminded. Was this the same thing you couldn’t let go first? What would have happened if you would have got it back? Would have destructed back again, trust me cause you got it back. Would take it for a ride and then again I am sure I can get it back, just got to try a bit more harder this time. Still a level ahead it would not go anywhere, even if I don’t try. Would be right there, waiting for me; its gone!!! Catastrophe

Colossal as it may seem, conundrum as it is; the only thing, wish or person important is understood completely is when you have lost that thing, shattered hidden wish or person. No, not after a fight or something, not after an argument that is not losing, that are the thick and thins that make it worth living it with. Not the intermediate failures before success.  It is when you see the in the eyes of the person, that you have lost! It is when you see yourself in the mirror and think this is not worth it! This is not what I want anymore! Not a word, you just know it when it is over. You have to make a grave decision at times then i.e. you are good but the I guess I have to forget you(desires, things, people).

Though there is something, you were better far off.

Make sure you have done every bit possible, all the efforts. Cause it is easy to give up, easier to forget more easier to move on, but the feeling you have lost it will stay for a life time. Don’t give up, don’t ever until it is not even your last day but your last breath. Keep going, you are go na do good.
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            Ubiquitous the drops of water may seem, right there and there and here and everywhere just a few minutes back it was not there. Now it is everywhere. Let’s understand rains synonyms to feelings like anger, hate, awkward, ego, jealousy, so on and so forth, keeping in mind the negative ones, that hover the air of our brainy head, leaving no space, to land the signs of  “positivism”. Think about anger for a black cloud that is just out to burst, you were having a quarrel, you have lost your patience and the anger bursts, the dark cloud has busted, now the visibility is decreasing, the rains are taking over, the quarrel is not close to an end, because of the decrease in the visibility, you are losing it so much now. The weather is getting turbulent, as the quarrel is not stopping and you are unable to see, another dark cloud comes up “ego”, now cause there is more to pour in, the different charges show their presence, behaving as the role model for lighting, it strikes. The visibility is minifying, the lighting is striking just round the corner nearing you. You are afraid and frightened to lose it all, you really don’t want to fall apart, “how could you do that?” the ego asks. Forgetting the actual path and misguided by the lighting. The demons flare of light coerces you to led astray from your path, you had started walking.  
            The speed of the walk has decreased, the accusative endings are moving apart, the distance increasing as the poles. The bright pathway that we started walking, the road to acceptability, to a common goal as a whole, has washed away, with dark clouds and lighting. The immediate solution is better understood to run inside, search for the shelter and wait for the rains to clear. You do that and there is sun peeping out from the clouds after sometime. You actually thinking it is a point of escape? You move out only leaving the trails of running away, rather than enjoying the sun. Then round the corner, the sun is taken over by the clouds. Awestruck to yourself, you thought it was all over. The rains are slouching you with pain right in the face this time. You don’t know, either to run or to stay back and face it. After a few successions of experiences, hidden in the hiding shelters, all you think is to stay back and fight.  Why you want to fight back? The billionaire question. Well because you are damp inside to the core. The walk to home was not you looked forward for and the destination has lost it’s path. You face it making all the wrong moves. The shelters you opted before, were not the best ones. As rightly said “There are no free lunches” those shelters were by fiends and not by friends. There is something that they have taken away from you. Your morality and ethics are put to task at times, You know this is not what I walked into the shelter for? But you in debt to the temporary shelter you have been taking in, while running in the rains.
            You could bring this all to an end, but sun seems to be brightly shinning only in the fiend’s shelter. You are confused, you are guilty of being in those shelters, you want an easy path, you don’t know how to go back home and set things straight. You start turning from being a tree to the world, to be a parasite dependent of some other tree. Self confidence is shattered by assuming the humiliation you would face. All building up for the tornado. The clouds are densely populated not, all the negative forces start acting. Why all this is happening? This is not I wanted even if I didn’t knew what I wanted? This is not for sure. Stuck in your own vicious circle. The more you remain, the more your strength is taken over by demons telekinesis. You have to break free yourself and it is only you who can do it. If you need the shadow of the trees they are to be planted, nurtured, brought to life also by you to expect the shadow. The neighboring shadow can never be yours. As your soul cannot be into someone’s else’s body.
            What really the rains are for then? The first time it starts it’s a drizzle. It is phenomenon that will happen, cause it is the part of the nature. Understand the fact you cannot just cannot change the nature. You need to hold hand together look towards the sky and welcome it with open heart. Let it make you damp to the core but you don’t let the person fall apart. It is when the rains are heavy, leaving you with muddy grounds, you walk to the rivulets only to make the boats sail. Rejoice together for the accomplishments made together and not fighting individuality. You might feel low, apart broken, aloof if you struggle the rains alone, but being together, the same things will come to you as togetherness, company and faith to survive. Also to put it simply,  understand the fact that the rains would occur. You believing it not to happen, is a belief and when the belief is opposed, you bring in the rains. Also understand First what you belief is that true? Secondly you are just a small negligible part of the world which can be ignored. You are here to play a role, why spoiling it with your own hands, by fighting for the coverage to the whole play. If you have to even come close to juxtaposition to something valuable you have to accept the others too. Thirdly is it for the whole? or myth to the whole but for your own? When you keep these things in mind the rains would only pour in as a sign of acceptability and a welcome to unending happiness.

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The rays of the sun could not penetrate the black hole and giving nothing in return to the observer and then it happened to me, the gravitational collapse(Gravitational collapse occurs when an object’s internal pressure is insufficient to resist the object’s own gravity.*) occurred. The fuel inside me was not enough to keep up the inflicting temperature in me. What is it? it is like you wished and all you wished was to be an ideal, in the inkling eye to be a sparkle, struck by lighting and revived only abysmally. Only to understand that the ideal has changed. It is dynamic, till yesterday conquering this stage was being ideal. Now when today I stand on the conquered peak(the ideal), the ideal has changed, but it would have been alright, if it would have been only higher and far-off. It was something that I had not thought about. A new road is shown where I haven’t started but the ideal lies there and not here(the one I conquered).

Occult as it may seem, true as it is. Amidst I feel between the world I left and the world I will be struggling. Cause the world I left, I passed as a trespasser and the one ahead it not known. I would have done it with great zeal only if I had known this was the last one, I would not have trespassed it, but lived it to the core, but the ideal kept on changing. Anachronisms is what I feel for myself, only stumped to the beauty of the changing ideal. The seance happened, all I was longing for. Enlightened me, I understood that striving for perfection may not peace my soul, as the perfection is moral force, but striving for excellence would make me grow and peace came to my soul.

How could I just let this pass me? I had seen it only, not to realize the existence of it in my life. I had been given an opportunity to relish the world, all I did was to trespass. Only to achieve perfection, orthogonal it all seemed to me. The success can also be achieved by enjoying the path on which I walked, reaching at the top is surely success, cause you don’t turn back to see where did you come from? only the next unconquered terrain. I grumbled about the mis happenings that happened, the incredulity I faced, the faith that I possessed was shattered into zillion broken pieces. I asked for help I was lurched, A guide to me happened, and I asked to know only the truth. How many times do you trust a person? grinning smile is all that guide could give me to let me know the answer “again”. I asked number of times, the sagacious guide could only tell me “again”. I understood and lead the way with a open mind. Only to understand that past does not only give you memories but also led astray feelings cling to your soul. I was offered to establish the company and I understood the meaning “again” cause there was a part of soul in me, which never allowed the heresy to take over and religion I followed was “not trusting”.

The word “again” meant detachment, which till then was only a word but the sense seem to follow. It is the difference between me and myself, me is by the ego and myself is the actual. I heard the small talk suddenly whispering to me, the one I had ignored. The one, which when heard after time unknown made me scared. It is was the small talk I had forgotten about. The inner voice, I was jolted but senses turned back. I had a chit chat not for long and not aloud but within me. I found my lost company I had been longing, the thorns on the path only seemed thorns, but the beauty surrounding the thorns looked mesmerizing. Detached I felt within and attached I grew outside. The gravitational collapse was not a feeling anymore, the black hole was not I was looking for. The black hole emits more than it has, that is what makes the gravitational collapse. Not early though I would say that I came to know, but what I know that there is still a lot more inside me before I fall prey to the ad infinitum depth. I shall survive. The world would not change in a day, nor Rome was built in a day, but now  I know I exist and there is change probably not in the world, but the way I look at it.

* Gravitational collapse (courtesy http://www.wikipedia.org)

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Success seemed to be on going and lonely, the path made me feel.

>Love…..

Posted: July 2, 2010 in Love & Relationships

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Love is there or love is not there. It is as simple as Black or White and whenever we try to complicate love and try to make it gray trust me it not love. It is either adjustment or compromise, adjustment if the other person loves you and compromise if you love the other person but it not what love is.
There is a very thin line between love and infatuation, though thin but the distance is poles apart. Love is ad infinitum, infatuation comes with an expiry date. Love would never ever make you feel bereft, adverbs, adjectives, personifications, climax, metaphors nothing can explain love, cause either it is there or it is not there. You can only feel it, logics give you strength but heart only falls in love.
What happens when you are in Love?
A multi millionaire question apostles who understood it relished it all their lives, rest remained in the state called love but not love. I am sure you would have met many people in your life, probably just like the newspapers read every-day. You read the news everyday but do you even remember it after like two hours, try it, trust me you would not remember even the title of the articles you read, but you could remember a story that you had read days or months ago. How? That is the whole thing, there are people who we like and whom we don’t. It is there, that is what makes you remember them. You meet the person for the first time and you feel so comfortable with that person as if the person is known to you since archaic. Then there are others, even when they have not done anything wrong you just wana escape. I am sure you would have experienced this.
Language is I believe a very raw form of communication (what?) I can explain, love between friends is called love, love between couples is called love and love between family is also called love, what my point is at times language i.e. speaking out love is not enough, probably it is not enough to express your feelings cause feelings are felt and not spoken. Love is something that you need to make the other person feel, than brag about it. It is caprice yes it is a sudden desire and your second mind tells you all the time that this is “the person”, but we are so used to ignoring the poor chap, that even the strongest feelings of being in love with someone is suppressed and we move on to all the wrong infatuations, flings, heart broken relationships and stuff goes on and on and on.
Ok so how do we go about it? First thing is simple when in love you feel for the person. When in love conversations are not like ok what more do I talk? Is there anything else to talk about? I have told you everything right from my dinner, brushing up my teeth, my day how it was? No it is multitudinous feeling where time runs and things don’t end, it is not stupid conversation but conversation that does not make sense but take all the time away from your life and are very important. The person does not look hot or hunk. The person looks, warm or comfortable. When you touch the other person it not only brings down shivers down the spine, but it brings in that enliven feeling of togetherness. You just cannot stop holding hands, rains are not splashes of water anymore they are the droplets from heaven coming in as a blessing for being together and you just walk into the rain to feel it. You would touch the hands and wish never to let it go away, once you start touching it you begin to feel addictive to touch more, you just cannot stop holding each other. The words would not come out but the silence would make the other person understand it completely, appease the person. The sacrilegious feelings are taken over by sagacious you.
The warmth of the breath is still a distance felt, but only to comfort you and make the presence felt. People don’t fall in love but they rise in love, cause suddenly you start observing things around you, the colour of the trees, the romantic songs played on the radio. People who cannot stop being together, it is like a medicine for example you have to take a medicine every-day, so instead of only being reminded for it, you yourself take it cause you don’t wana miss a movement of your life that could have been spent together. Love makes you rise in life, no matter how turbulent the hurricane has been in your life, that one person would just stand by you and say, “I am here right here with you” and suddenly you would feel the rays of the sun coming from somewhere touching you in most subtle way and give you the strength to rise again. This is the power of love, it would make a king trusty for water and would make a commoner, the man of honour just if you have felt the true love. Trust yourself, trust the love and it does wonders above the world, dead is brought to live, darkness is shadowed with sunlight, the demons leaves and the angel takes over. This is what happens in love.
True love would exonerate your soul, would not limit to heart, body and brains, but would be present in your mind as the true companion, which is like the air you breath no matter how much you exhale you cannot stay without inhaling it again. When in love you don’t cheat not because you cannot or what would happen? It is because there is no one who would touch the soul to which the person did, you may not cheat that would be the muzak that would be played in your head, heart and soul. Being together would not be being physically together, cause love does not make you impractical or immature, but it surely shows you the path to walk, to attain glory, helps you to play the role in life on earth, which we all have to play by the virtue of being human beings. Love is comfortable it is like a shelter, a shelter which makes you forget all your worries, make you believe of being loved, feel the way you feel, where no problems would last more than seconds, where being in the arms of the person could bring peace to your darkest secrets, where eons would just pass by looking into the eyes of the person. This is love.
  

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We say life is all complex these days, Relations are sour, infidelity is to its peak, trust and love are factors more or less in love stories, togetherness is staying in the bed, work and pleasure are mixed for benefits of oneself, manipulation is the “in” thing and we say life is all complex.

Impunity for doing wrong to others is these days, like a birth right. The circumstances have become the deciding factors for relationships, not the urge to be together. It is not about having a good time together, it is more about what would one get after this time together. How things have changed. Friends for convenience is as common to hear as difficult to find common sense these days. They say they progressing, they are westernized, they are modern, albeit the poorest people at heart. Conscious is losing its ground guilt and shame are not even present for lip service in ones soul, cause all they thinks is to grow.

Pious is only for show, now even that is old. They talk of spirituality and lack the spirit in oneself. They talk of being one, but with whom is the quest? They talk they are growing just fine, back down leaving a trail of broken spine. Relations are more or less give and take, you give and I take. What has changed? Why the ego of growth has the taken over conscious of the mind, don’t they have ethic’s or have turned to boneless spines? A man may not be judged by his deeds but the bank balance in the account. A woman is all interested in the canal and the crown. Is it progress? I doubt I believe it depriving the human race to act as humans. The crowd is where people move cause oh! is it called being modern oh! it must be just so cool. What is this happiness are just not trying to be super cool? What has happened to the so called man.

At times I think it was better when it was old, at least there were trees that we called tall and old. The shadow of the trees in scorching is still better than the shadow of the cement junk. There was a time when the words meant commitment, a promise, one would keep till the end, now we turn back only find it was the end. I wished the old times would return. Bruised knees are better than broken hearts, once a week a t.v. serial is better than the daily soap bizarre. If losing oneself, losing ethics, losing reliability and losing one’s conscious is called growth I respect the people who are now old.

Tell me isn’t it a curse, how we were expected to live and when we live in so much of dirt? I still don’t think this is the best thing that we grew up to see on earth. I wish to become a man of commitment, a path to follow may dirge music will follow, but I would look in the mirror everyday and look straight into the eye just find my conscious still alive. I recall the lines said so beautifully, “god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I cannot change the world but I can change myself, I want to be honest to myself, may these guiding crowds may not misguide my soul as there is conscious deep down which I still hold.

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Expectations are unlimited but reciprocation is very limited, ideal love life has hundreds of thoughts, suggestions, assumptions, possibilities, desires and the list goes on and on, but nobody is ready to perform the duties for the same or even put in the effort, cause ideal is this, this how it has to happen. My dear friend even the leaves don’t move by itself it needs the winds to let it flow in the air. It is very easy for us to brag about the ideal relation has to be like this, a very few understand if taken care, nurtured, loved unconditionally would only make the love bloom to glory.

Amazing people with amazing doubts, the world is so rational so logical, I thought I would bring to notice that if love is by rationality, I may suggest a few reasons to check the rationality of a relation. A friend of mine was determined that he would only go in for a love marriage, cause until you know the person how can you spend your whole life(very clear, agree). I asked a simple question how many times do you meet your girlfriend in a week, curt reply everyday I said fair enough, let’s consider an hour a day, he said yes, now if I have to meet a single person for an hour a day out of hourly clock that has 24, won’t I be the best of what I want to project. The most happening, always with something new, flowery stuff, chocolate stuff, today this is our first stuff, cool about everything, would you be doing it after a year, let’s assume yes cause still the amount of time that you are spending together is just an hour and still you come up with something new. I have a question now do you really know the person, a question may not be answered to me, but ask yourself.

Let’s move ahead in time a bit more, you and your dream girl get married, suddenly things that were perfect and you ignored have started annoying you, like really petty things which you ignored before, but not it is getting on your nerves, getting up late it is was perfect before when you a bachelors, but now as you are married you want your things to be straightened up as it was before, you ignore a few days get yourself to work and manage things around. Then the taste of the food is nowhere close to good what you used to have before, forget about getting the lunch pack for the office, again you ignore. Evenings you used to roam about not matter how tiring the day was, now you try to sit back at home, obviously your girlfriend turned wife is having a problem with that, when you say I am tired. Ignore and move on. Then one fine day you remember they were so many cool things we used to do before everything was so special why not now. The answer is you know very well, you pretended to be somebody you are not.

Never pretend something that you are not in a relationship, specially the one relation you want to last an eternity and be as fresh as the bloomed boutique. Cause you cannot pretend for life and these small things after a year of ignorance suddenly come to surface and hit like a lighting, that day you are just struck you immediate reaction and to protect there is a mechanism, self defense, you give back what all you have ignored all the while. Boom there is fight, then you lie, then the chorus songs are played. What is the point, wouldn’t it have been better if you could have been what exactly you are. There is a lot of things that could be avoided by just staying together with each other for some time either before marriage or giving each other not the projected but the real figure that you are.

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>A tryst with myself

Posted: April 26, 2010 in Love & Relationships

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An unforgettable journey I longed for. A saying I do remember every time there is something new “The need is the mother of all inventions”. So came up the need to go for a tryst with myself. Different feelings and different emotions erupt everyday, I believe all for the good, but our human nature makes it possible to divide it into good and bad, positive and negative, wanted and unwanted. How did this need came in? there are a number of reasons I am sure you would be able to relate at least to one. A feeling of despair, nobody else can understand me and I turned to you, you brought me down to my core, so called materialistic unsuccess, a path I walked where nobody and nothing could comfort for reasons I don’t know why and list to seek happiness outside goes on and on and on until we realize happiness is not outside, but a feeling within me. The irony is, if you can feel happiness you can spread it around but nobody can get you your share of happiness.

This journey started cause one of the reasons stated above or to be honest more than one. People around were turning to be boring, the music to the highest beats was making me face the music, loneliness was killing me and crowd only made lonely to deepest core in the ocean of feelings. Tired of everything I could have tried to live happily had brought me to darkest fears and lonesomeness to which I acted as a parasite. Thought if I could live it would have been only possible to do so by clinging myself to negativity filled around me and everything was dark so dark that thinking about the light could send shivers down my spine.

As the lighting struck to the earth, with its heat five times than the surface of the sun. I realized if everything is going wrong, if everything is sour, if everything is letting me down then it is not the world I should seek for answers but it is within me. So the journey began, an unforgettable, initially unrealistic and sense of reverie struck to my soul. I suddenly was two, the me and myself, as I looked upon me from myself I could feel and see, that the me is hurt, is seeking from others and from all the wrong others, the ones did not really care about me or that is what me thought, then there was a change instead of me seeking company of others to feel happy I longed the company of myself, realizing I had to try to make the world happy without feeling myself.

The conversation began, the debate started the long forgotten small, gentle, tender voice in myself started to speak to me. The deepest secrets, saturnine feelings, happiest movements, my need for me I spoke it all to myself. Without the fear of getting ditched, lacking trust and the feeling to hide. Myself heard me completely, encouraged me to speak more and more until I had to nothing to bark about. There was comfort, a relaxation, a sheer pleasure running through me, filled with energy. I could feel utmost peace then myself spoke, is this all that you have or something more than this? the me had nothing else but insights and realizations that spoke to me unspoken. An incidence came up to me “I only cursed my broken hand until I saw a man with none”.

Me realized what had I ignored? Myself. Burdened with past worried for the future never living in the present, the past had gone and nothing can undo it, the future is unknown and would only be known when I live it today, everything started taking shape. Me need to love myself before I can love the world around, the agnize me could be only feel blessed, peace and happy. If you are not comfortable with your own self, don’t console the world, if you cannot trust yourself don’t seek in others, if you don’t love yourself don’t expect it from others.

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